IMPROVE GLOBAL WARMING

The most serious problem with global warming is that it benefits Russia.

Vast regions of Siberia transformed from frozen tundra into amber fields of grain; a permafrost area equal to the 48 States changed into a mild, temperate, yet scarcely populated region ready for colonization; Russia’s population and GDP, if present climate trends continue, can be expected to triple within 100 years, exceeding the United States in agricultural and industrial production.

At the same time, cold regions of the U. S., especially New England and the northern Midwest, are stuck in the same old cycle of cold, heating bills, salt-rusted automobiles and more affluent residents fleeing to the South – not to mention the crushing effect of Winter darkness on our Mental Health. How, using our advanced technology, can the United States turn global warming to its advantage, an engine for economic growth and happiness, without increasing carbon emissions and thus benefitting Russia? The people need warmth and light – not rising sea levels and mass extinctions. Here are three proposals well within the reach of current technology.

1. Wrap the Moon in aluminum foil.

Instead of its current status as a dim, hardly noticeable obect the main effects of which are on ocean tides, menstruation and insanity, the Moon can be transformed into a beacon of light and warmth, a true benefit to Mankind. Of the Moon’s surface area of 38 trillion square meters, only about one quarter, the portion directly facing Earth, needs to be aluminized. To economize, aluminum foil as thin as .003 mm (a third the thickness of the kitchen product) can be used without excessive tearing on lunar mountains, cliffs, etc. , as it is gently deposited from above by a constellation of satellites similar in scale to Elon Musk’s Starlink, but orbiting the Moon.

A total weight of 74 million metric tons of aluminum foil, rolled out from Lunar satellites, will do the job.

Imagine the benefits: a full Moon will become a blazing, radiant object; no headlights needed; Solar flux increased by as much as 1% with a corresponding reduction in heating bills; a trip to the beach in the middle of the night; reduced law enforcement costs as criminals are no longer able to slink into the shadows.

There is at least one disadvantage: the cooperation of Elon Musk will be required. Only his rocket has the capacity to transport 100 tons of aluminum foil to lunar orbit. Seven hundred thousand flights will be necessary.

2. Nuclear Radiant Warmth. Use America’s nuclear arsenal for radiant heat.

Besides warming the cold, decaying Northeast, the expenditure of nuclear weapons over New York and New England will have the additional benefit of reducing the number of nuclear weapons and thus the risk of nuclear war.

No resident of this area will have to experience the numbing drudgery of snow removal and the associated risk of heart attack. Text messages will be broadcast. Sirens will sound. When everybody is indoors, a sudden brilliant light and wave of heat will pervade a region about 100 km in diameter, melting snow and warming houses and the hearts of people, without burning a single gram of carbon.

The altitude of the nuclear explosions must be very carefully calibrated – too low, and blast and radiation effects will become noticeable. Too high, and the effects of Electromagnetic Pulse can affect a wide area, damaging electric power transmission and other electrical technology. But there is a Goldilocks Zone about 50 km up where these negative side effects are minimized and a wave of radiant light and warmth will flood down to benefit everyone.

An additional benefit of using the existing nuclear weapons stock is that the paricipation of Elon Musk is not required. The United States Air Force will have a new mission (it needs some kind of mission, after all) and no new expenditures will be necessary. The concept of Nuclear Winter will take on a whole new meaning.

It is unfortunately probably wise to exclude Montana and North Dakota from the zone of Nuclear Radiant Warmth. The presence of Intercontinental Ballistic Missile bases in these States is a complicating factor. There is a possibility that a Nuclear Radiant Warmth explosion occurring over Fargo might be mistaken for an enemy attack, or even as one of our own missiles gone awry, encouraging the enemy to launch his own. We certainly don’t need that.

3. Dig a Tunnel Through the Center of the Earth

Although Northern Montana is probably best exempted from Nuclear Radiant Warmth, the area has a little known natural resource which has the potential to generate enormous heat without the combustion of any fossil or nuclear fuel: the northern part of Liberty County, Montana, especially the communities of Goldstone, Fox Crossing and Sage Creek Colony, as well as parts of Canada across the border to the North, are antipodal to the Kerguelen Islands, a French territory in the remote Southern Indian Ocean.

A tunnel between two antipodal points passes, by definition, through the center of the earth.

For decades transportation engineers have been studying the concept of evacuated, long distance, straight transportation tunnels for transportation. A straight tunnel between Boston and Washington D. C., for example, passes 7.9 km beneath the surface at its mid-point under the East River. In a vacuum, and magnetically levitated there is no friction. A rail car at one end of such a tunnel needs only a small push in Boston to begin rolling “downhill”. Coasting downward, the maximum speed reached at the mid-point under New York City is 1420 km/hr. From there, the “uphill” coast begins, and the rail car gradually loses speed until it gently arrives at its destination in Washington in about half an hour. The passengers feel no acceleration or other sense of movement. They have to bring their own air with them, of course.

Similar considerations to the above apply to a tunnel bored through the center of the earth. Such a tunnel requires no rails, as an object falling inside it falls straight down, reaching a very high speed at the center of the earth (not as high as might be expected, as the acceleration of gravity decreases to zero as one approaches the center of the earth), and then continues gradually upward until it coasts gently to the top of its trajectory at either Kerguelen or Montana. The cycle then repeats , with perhaps a small push necessary to overcome residual friction, with the object re-appearing at its origin every 14 minutes or so.

The center of the earth is very hot, about 5,200 degrees C., near that at the surface of the Sun, at 5,700 degrees. We have the potential of sending an object, equivalently, to the surface of the Sun and getting it back every 14 minutes, very, very hot. What do do with this heated object is a matter of concern for the engineers, but it can be assumed that the residents of Liberty County, Montana and neighboring desolate parts of Alberta and Saskatchewan will appreciate the warmth. What the French are going to do with all that heat in Kerguelen is up to them. Perhaps Kerguelen can be transformed into another Tahiti.

Again, Elon Musk will have to be involved, since his Boring Company is the only potential source of the technology necessary to tunnel to the incredibly hot, high-pressure, center of the Earth.